Good cheese

When I first started working at CLP, getting to know the Dinos was easy. I'm comfortable around kids and my nurturing instincts are right on par. However, getting to know their parents? Awkward.

I'm pretty socially ungraceful. Put me in a situation with a group of people I don't know and you'll find me making friends with the food table. It's worked for me so far because usually someone has the same inclination. "That's some good cheese." "Yes, it sure is."

After bonding over refreshments, the conversation gradually gets easier and more interesting. I feel that's how it's been for me getting to know the Dino parents. In the beginning, I did have to remind myself that I'm adult, too. The Dino parents are closer to my age than my parents' age, which means... whoa. I'm getting old and legitimate. It was a small factor towards building that teacher-parent relationship - a personal factor at that - yet an important mental preparation point.

It's been fun and rewarding getting to know the parents by way of talking about their kids. They have some great kids, a great family dynamic, and I can't wait for some summer Dino fun.

As good as ever

Big accomplishment for the day: got the morning diapers done on schedule. A small feat, yes, but boy was that empowering. Also, kids are funny.

Things at Creative Learning are as good as ever.

--

That was about two weeks ago, and things are still going well. I like getting up for work every day and knowing the Dinos as they continue to grow into themselves. I could be happy working at CLP for a couple more years -- I'm learning an incredible amount about patience and how to be a good teacher (a preschool one anyway). My work ethic pushes me to want to take some classes and really be the best I can be for the kids. We recently had a "Stranger Danger" staff seminar of which there were power point slides that I got way too excited for. Eighteen years of schooling will do that I suppose. And I do like learning. That's why I'm so happy at CLP. Every day I go into work, I learn something new by seeing, watching, listening, and overall experiencing. I need that in my work I've discovered.

What's next?

I've got my walking and busing route to work figured out, and as I now begin to settle into the weekly routine I so craved for when I was unemployed, I'm beginning to think about what's next. I cleaned the entire bathroom and kitchen last night just thinking.

The goals I set for myself for when I moved back to Madison were all logistics. I needed to find a place to live, needed a job, too. Now, I figure it's time to start pushing myself creatively and get my new priorities sorted out, because life is tasty. I want a taste of everything I've always wanted to eat. 

It's hard to know. To know what to do, how to get there. I stress out about it a lot. I listen to other people's journeys and worry my own is that much off track. And I'm not sure why being in my mid twenties feels so close to death or worse, failure, but it does. Why is it so impressive that a nineteen year old develops a wildly popular app and makes millions? He's so young -- AMAZING. Silly, really. It'd be amazing for a person of any age. 

The job that will make me happy, feel fulfilled, and where I can make a difference. My expectations in that kind of glory may be too hurried. It's going to take work and time, and that's totally cool with me. I just need this week to rest up for the hike. 

I like hikes. 

Lena Dunham's "GIRLS"

HBO's "GIRLS" hits so many notes with me. Maybe it's just my status a twenty something trying to figure out my life. I suppose being a girl also helps me relate. It took a couple of episodes for me to warm up to the series because Lena Dunham writes up a complex set of characters. I find myself rooting for them and sharing in their celebrations. But the characters are also very unlikable and discouraging, as real people always are. They've got twisted ideas about relationships and what life is supposed to be. They mess up and do things I don't agree with. Their friendships are extremely intimate but complicated and wavering. They are confused yet confident about what they think they know. It's a real test to watch them to try to figure them out to align myself with them. Lena Dunham writes up a complex show.

The show is refreshing, shocking. Many of the scenarios are so offbeat, I wonder that Lena must have lived them or had a friend that did. How does she do it? How does one write a show with these characters that have such girth and oddities and are so believable? It's art.

That's not much of a review, but I needed to give the show a bit of a shout out.

By the hour

"Too high of expectations for happiness? I want to not have to live pay check to pay check. I don't want to have to know that if I lose my hourly job, I can't pay rent and I can't make a loan payments. That doesn't seem like too much to ask."

I had a fun night out with some old work friends, friends I've bonded with over the years as we worked side-by-side at hourly paid jobs. They are smart, funny, beautiful, and have outstanding work ethic. I like and respect them a lot. Our lives have panned out in similar fashions as we all want more than money of our jobs and are working full-time by the hour to pursue that.

I guess working at an hourly wage in college was less worrisome because I, in a sense, had the world in my hands. The possibilities and promise were endless. I was a student. That was my title and my job. Now that I'm graduated and am not where I want to be, hourly work is welcome but budgeted to the penny. I now not only worry about rent and groceries but also loan payments and my future.

Last night was the first night I saw my situation as a precarious one. It's true. I don't have a contract and I could potentially lose most of my hours once summer hits. I always deal with and accept it but should I really have to? It's a tough situation for me to even have thoughts about because firstly, I really like my teaching job. Secondly, I'm not living my dream from college in part to a decision that the timing wasn't right.

My small taste of the production life, working on a reality TV show, was life-changing. The people alone were amazing, incredibly talented, and passionate about film and life. In working, I was sincerely happy and had never been more myself -- in my element. But I also realized what it took for all my newfound friends and heroes to get where they were, and I wasn't sure I wanted that quite yet. The hard work and dedication aren't what scared me; it was thinking I would be running and running to get onto this moving train that was going someplace I didn't want to go. Perhaps I wouldn't mind that destination in the end, but there's beauty in the choice.

That was tough for me. I still want to work in film but I feel I need to get a better grip on my life and who I am before I devote the time and make those sacrifices. I don't want to go along for the ride. So, I decided to trust my gut. I know when the time comes, I'll just do it. I'll move to California and sleep on couches or floors if I have to. But I'm not going to do that until I feel it's right.

It's my career path and I firmly believe all will work out, especially if I trust my instincts. So I suppose choosing this life that I have right now - with a little bit of luck - has kept me from feeling too cheated. I know I'm not always going to be satisfied with where I am and that I need to be careful about getting comfortable (because I still have big plans). And that's not even the point I'm trying to spit out -- it was just nice to be understood. Not having that financial security blows and it is unstable because it is what it is. I get it. My friends get it. We ate some $2 tacos and 99 cent margaritas. Facts and numbers, by the hour.